Rough And Dirty Gems

Rough And Dirty Gems

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

What Matters?

I have been working in my mind on this topic for a while. "what Matters?" It seems such a simple question, but i ask it here, in this self indulgent forum to find out what really matters in a relationship. Is there ONE person that fits you perfectly? Or is it just one person at a time that fits perfectly?

I have a friend who hates his wife. He says she is simple minded, unkind, spoiled. She complains all the time, is nasty and snarky to Him. She has no friends and gets jealous when he is on the phone or looks out the car window at pedestrians in summer. He doesn't have sex with her anymore because he would prefer to never have sex again than touch that bitch. I asked Him, "why did you marry her?" In a sad longing voice he responds, "The girl could suck cock like you cannot believe, she was just insatiable."

Are the things that matter at the moment the things that matter for the reset of  your life? Would my friend with the evil wife have been better off with a brilliant girl, with a sense of humor but would only have missionary sex and wouldn't put a cock in her mouth ever? No one can answer that, not even Him. But let me put this into context. I read an advert on a BDSM meeting site:
  • Anyone (ladies) in the casino area looking to settle down with a swm who at 53 never married and either start lactating or in the process please let me know. I am looking for a LTR. Please, not to be rude, but slender to average only....
In three short lines this person is asking for a lot of criteria don't you think?
  1. Ladies...ok thats an easy one, half the population is female
  2. One in the casino area... well I'm not sure if He is in Las Vegas, but I'll assume not because it is on a New England Personals News Group. So, how big of a population can we be talking about here, due to the fact gambling is illegal in New England except on Indian Reservations?
  3. A lady that wants to settle down...oooh fuck, he hasn't even met one yet...
  4. A lady, that wants to start lactating...uh...ok, that narrows the field a bit more don't you think?
  5. And well if the above doesn't sort through every single eligible woman "not to be rude" or anything...a skinny one
A few weeks later He left another posting confused by the lack of response:
  • is there not ONE slender to slim, submissive female on the east side of the river that wants to play? Any woman that want / like to travel? why don't we go away to an island for two weeks (free for you) and get to know each other? 
The words "serial killer" and "safe call" floated through my mind when I read that posting. But let's assume His intentions are good.

Do you wonder why at 53 he is single and never been married? What are the deal breakers? I contacted this person and asked Him how may women did he think live in the area that fit that many unusual criteria. He removed the "slender" requirement from the advert a day later. But now I wonder, if he finds a girl that is willing to lactate, travel to points unknown, lives east of the river, is willing/ able to settle down into a long term relationship, do his laundry, cook his meals and feed his cats (im making up the last little bit) will He sit across the dinner table from her in seven years saying to himself, "I wish i took out the lactating and went for the skinny girl, becuase this fat cow is disgusting and leaking all over the fucking place. She just sits around all day with a breast pump and won't even leave the house to travel. What was I thinking!?"

This advert just makes me think of the excuses we make for why we do the things we do. The things that bring us misery or happiness are in the details. I see discussons on news groups or in Dear Abby:

"Does age matter?"
"Do politics matter?"
"He likes anal, i don't,  Should i leave??"
"He wants to cum on my face, I don't like it, should I do it anyway?"
"My fiance wants kids, I don't, should we get married?"

My answer is YES!! It all matters, but is it a deal breaker?

I have an online friend who is a staunch, died in the wool republican. I'm about as liberal as they come. We used to debate politics and He said, "If you werent such a liberal bitch I would really like you" We both laughed about that, but that just illustrates what matters. We debate often but have mutual respect for eachother. Last night I asked Him what matters to Him. He said simply, "If I can satisfy her with my mind and my body, then she is the one for me."

I cant think of a single person who doesn't wonder "what would have been IF..." I nearly married a man shortly after I graduated from college. I often think to myself, i wonder what would have been if i could stand the fact he wouldn't meet my family.  I ask myself that a lot, but it still comes out the same. It was his core values I didn't respect enough to be part of for the rest of my life. He didn't consider what was important to me to be important to Him. DEAL BREAKER!

Instead, I married my best friend. Yeah, there are some things that are missing. He can't cook anything other than toast, He is nasty as piss in the morning, He leaves his dirty underwear on the floor, He whines like a girl when he is sick, and He doesn't like to eat pussy. But, I am willing to settle for a Man that is flawed because He is a good husband, an awesome Daddy, He is interested in what i have to say, listens when i talk, laughs at my jokes, is my best friend and most important of all, we respect eachother enough to change the rules as we go.


  1. That's awesome babe. So what rules have been changed as you go?

  2. Good Question darling, Well to sum it up simply Hubby lets me chat online, he is willing to listen to me talk about my fantasies and things i like to play with others online. He was able to understand and contribute when i had an affair with a woman. He understands my needs, and knows when to set realistic limits.


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