Our passion was rewarded. I received acceptance into my first choice of Graduate programs a very prestigious school. They had an excellent independent study program and agreed I could study and write my thesis in Europe as long as I corresponded with my advisers monthly. I could go back to Miguel in October. My heart lifted, I booked my flights and my body relaxed in the knowledge I would be in Miguel’s arms again.
As the date of my arrival neared, Miguel called more regularly, he told me he got an apartment for us he had procured a dresser for me, the apartment was small, but it had 2 bedrooms, because that seemed more suitable. I felt like I would cry. Was he setting me aside. I didn’t have the heart to ask. My body clenched, the agony of rejection was inside of me. Had I made a mistake? Would we be only roommates now? What should I say to Him? I thought about this revelation for weeks. I discussed it with my friends and sisters. They all encouraged me to ask Him.
With my heart in my throat, one week before I was meant to depart I asked him if he had procured a bed for me. He said matter-of-factly, with no inflection of hurt or lust or anything “Belle, will you not need a bed, you stay with me in mine.” My heart leapt out of my chest and relief flooded me entirely. The familiar butterflies moved in me and He agreed to meet me at the airport in Glasgow in five days.
The entire flight from New York to London then the connection to Glasgow, I was in turns, sick with longing and want and desire and an uncontrollable fear of what was to come. I imagined His lips on mine in the airport, His arms around me, my body convulsing in orgasm in our bed. Would it be like it had been? Was I making a mistake? Did he pine for me the way I did for him?
When the wheels set down in Glasgow, the murky gray sky was a relief to me. The bright autumn sunshine of New York was behind me, my life would be brightened by Miguel now. He stood at baggage claim waiting for my flight. I saw Him first. His handsome face, his neat clothing, the gray woolen cardigan with the large wooden buttons we bought together at the touristy handcraft store in Skye, his neatly laundered dark wash jeans, his expensive Italian shoes, his stylish glasses and then he saw me. His smile made my body tingle, from my hair to my fingertips. My heart thumped, with the blood rushing through my veins, I felt dizzy and sick. I was sure I was dreaming, I was sure I would faint. He had become even more handsome in my absence.
I thought he was going to see me and just turn and leave. He stood still, completely motionless as I walked slowly toward Him. All focus around me narrowed to the pinpoints of His eyes. Then he started to move toward me as if called by a magnetic force. Then he moved faster and faster toward me, then we were touching. I was alive again. I was whole. I was in His arms and I was sobbing and his lips were on mine and his hand was around me curled into my hair, his tongue probing me teasing me. I wanted him right there on the linoleum floor. We must have made quite a scene in the moldy yellow airport baggage claim. My body ached to be pressed naked to his. I could feel his cock stirring against my belly. He whispered in my ear, in English which was much less accented than the last time he spoke to me. “Belle, my dear lovely girl, you are Mine again. I was lonely and now I am not anymore. You are mine, I will not let you go away again. My Belle, I’m so happy you came back to me.” He fussed over me, asking me if I was hungry, if I was tired. I lied and told him no. Please just show me our apartment. He smiled and said, “Yes eager Belle, I will take you to my flat.”
The flat was larger than I expected, it was on the first floor with a shared hallway, but Miguel explained he had discussed using the side door with the landlady and he would have keys made in a day or so. The apartment had a sunny (by Glaswegian standards) open kitchen/ dining room/ living room. Miguel had furnished the apartment sparsely with a small parson’s style table, two orange and two harvest gold color fiberglass stacking chairs that looked like they were lifted from a classroom lecture hall. There was a second hand Danish Modern Sofa with a bright red and gold fifty’s mod print on it. In the largish bedroom it had a low platform queen sized bed and 2 dressers which looked like they matched the Danish Modern style sofa in the other room. The third room could barely be called a bedroom. He had set it as an office, with saw horses and an old door was the computer and desk under the window. And on the adjacent wall was a tilting drafting table. There were wooden wine crates staked for books. The apartment was absolutely lovely, much better than I could have expected.
All of a sudden, in my new home, surrounded by objects I had never seen nor had any part in acquiring I felt all alone. Fear rippled up my spine like a viper. A slow coil around me left me cold as I slowly walked from room to room admiring and smiling outwardly. Miguel looked at me then. He saw the anxiety cross me. Looking down his narrow nose at me, I think he felt my fear. He pulled me close and kissed the top of my head. “My Darling Belle, you are here with me now, Mine. You are tired and hungry. Please let’s get a meal then we will try on the new bed.” He ushered me from the apartment, took my hand not letting me go even as people passed us on the side walk. We walked to the nearest pub about 4 buildings down the side road. It was an old building with a painted pressed tin ceiling and cracked mirrors on the walls. It was bright and cheerful inside. Miguel ordered for me as if I was unable to read the menu or speak to the waitress. Like I did for him when he first arrived I mused moodily.
He sat next to me at a small square table. He smiled at me, his confident, mischievous smile, waiting for me to speak. Not pushing for words he just looked at me smiling. I felt a lump rise to my throat as I searched my mind for words. He hasn’t said anything. My heart started beating faster and I felt a panic overtaking me. A need for words for something to fill this silence. “Where did you get the dining chairs?”
“You don’t like them Belle? We can get new, they were here when I moved in. I didn’t think they were so bad. I think they were taken from the lecture halls at the University.” He was anxious as I was. We were like two nervous cats circling. He was doing his best to be nice and I was tired, hungry and cranky. The silence lingered again. I had not felt a loss of words or awkwardness with Him in so long. But all of my old insecurities arose again. Did I do the right thing, can we go back to where we were? I can tell he missed me. What the fuck did he mean, …His flat. He hasn't said he loves me.
“I love you, Belle, It will be ok.”
I looked up at him. Did I say that out loud? Did he read my mind? I must have stared at Him open mouthed again, because He reached over and placed his fingertip on my tongue and stroked it. I felt my heart leap into my stomach. He was back, we were back, It would be okay. I started to cry.
“Meu deus! Belle, what is wrong, are you ill, why do you weep? Stop please, I will make you happy, I will tend to you, I will make you happy, you already made me so happy.”
Every word he said made me cry more. He looked at me, confused. The waitress came with our beers and looked at us and backed away hurriedly. I took a napkin and buried my face into it racking with sobs that wouldn’t stop. I hunched forward in the uncomfortable bent wood chair with the cane mesh seat feeling foolish. I hurried from the table to be away from the staring customers, to be away from His probing eyes. I stood outside on the curb, sucking cold moist air sobbing. I could not stop crying. I turned the corner to be away from the stares through the windows. I slumped like a marathon runner hands on my knees sobbing and gasping for breath between sobs. I calmed myself finally, and tried to think about what to do next. I stood up slowly, dizzily to find that He was standing over me. There was an odd a ray of sunshine that shone between the 2 buildings in the setting sun illuminating one half of his face in orange dusky sunshine. It looked like he was burning. He reached around me and pulled me close kissing my hair. “Belle, You will learn to love me again. You will. You are mine.” He didn’t understand which made me cry even harder.
“Jesus, meu deus, please let’s go I will take you to home now.” He bristled with impatience.
I struggled for composure and snuffled into his shirt. “I am so sorry Miguel, I am so very sorry. I am ok, you are...” He backed up slightly as if to ward off an attack. He looked at me, his face was growing hard, he was becoming angry.
“Merda! Will you stop it?” He stepped back toward the street.
He was not understanding, he was going to leave me, I would be alone. I struggled to make him understand why I was weeping. “I love you. Ooh fuck, Miguel. This is so hard to explain. While I was home, you were my talisman, my family and friends kept asking me, ‘Are you sure, you are not just going back for a fling? You are not wasting your time on an affair are you?’... You are my reason for living, my everything, I needed you to want me, to love me and you didn’t say it. And then you did, and….” I petered off lamely His face glowing with sunlight brightened more he was starting to understand. He stepped toward me, the sun on his face glowed redder and brighter. “Please, Miguel, all I want is to be with you, and you did all this,” I waved my arms around toward the flat, the restaurant the street encompassing everything I could in one gesture. I was failing so I stepped toward Him and felt the sun on my face and looked up at His glowing face and looked into His eyes, trying to telepathically tell him everything that was in my heart but the words only came out. “I love you.”
He gathered me into His arms and looked directly into my eyes and kissed me. I was whole, I was going to be okay. My body arched and pressed against His and people on the street stopped what they were doing to look at us, then immediately looked away again in voyeuristic shame feeling the lust spark between us. When we separated I looked into His black eyes and felt myself burning.
He pulled me to Him and curled his fingers into the hair at the back of my head which hung in thick unruly curls. “You are tired and hungry, you are emotional. Let’s have our meal then go to bed.” The word bed hung in the air between us as a sinful promise.
“Drink.” He ordered me as he pushed my beer toward me. “I want you easy.”
I laughed and peered at Him as innocently as I could over the rim of my glass, teasing Him as I flicked my tongue across the thick foam and let it sit on my tongue. His gasp of surprise made me smile and look at him coquettishly. I picked up the small gherkin on my plate, holding it gently between 2 fingers in front of my mouth I leaned forward showing Him my teeth as I grazed the bumpy green surface very gently. Sliding the gherkin back and forth over my bottom lip, I stuck out my tongue and licked the tip of the pickle then stuck out my tongue then closed my lips around the pickle biting the tip very gently until it cracked and I smiled rakishly His eyes.
He watched my display avidly as a new tension grew between us. Electricity sparked between us like Tesla coil. He reached forward and pulled the pickle from my fingertips. Leaning in close, so only I could hear, he purred erotically, “Belle, my naughty girl, I have a lot more to fill your lips with. Let’s go.” Still bending over the table with my hands clasped he pushed his chair back with his knees and pulled me up with Him so that when I stood I was bent forward. Pressing his nose into my hair breathing in as he gripped the back of my chair possessively, In my ear so quietly I almost didn’t hear all the words he crooned, “I will make love to you now, Belle.” Our bodies touched and a spark went through us.
Holding my jacket open for me in the most chivalrous manner, he leaned over and breathed into my hair, “Now.” My heart thudded in my chest. I could hear the blood rushing through my body. He flipped some bills onto the table not waiting for the waitress or the bill. Resting his hand on the small of my back Miguel ushered me out of the restaurant. Through my light woolen coat I could feel the heat of my lover. I could feel His desire transmitted to me. I shuddered like a colt who is being tamed to the saddle. I was in a hurry to be home, He started to walk faster and I matched his pace until we were sprinting to the door, of our building laughing. He handed me the keys and I bent to unlock the door, he pressed his hips against me I could feel his need against my back. He cupped my bottom in his 2 hands through my jeans. He was distracting me, this was the first time I ever tried this lock and I wasn’t sure which key.
He breathed into my ear, teasing me, “Take your time Belle, I will take you in the hall if you prefer” I finally found the correct key and pushed open the door. He shed his coat and hung it on the peg, I was in fever I dropped mine on the floor in the entrance and ran toward the bed, still breathless from the run and his nearness. He pointed to my jacket on the floor, “Now, now, Belle my dear, you will not leave messes, pick it up and put it where it goes.” I bent low and picked my abandoned jacket off the floor and put it on the hook. I scurried into the bedroom and started to strip.
“No, stay with your clothes on, do not move.” His words were firm. I stood still, turning my head to face Him.
He smiled wolfishly at me. “Belle my dear girl, I have not seen you in months, my body has ached for you for this long time. Now I have you, I do not want to rush. I want you little by little. I want you all night long.” He stepped behind me, and whispered near my ear, without touching me. “Belle, please slowly remove your jumper.”
I started to shake, I was on fire, my knees felt weak, I was hot and cold and I thought I would fall. I turned toward him and put my hands to my sweater and lifted it off my head, revealing my bright orange t-shirt with the rounded block letters R I S D on them. He grinned, “riso” and started to chuckle.
“What does that mean?”
“Your shirt, riso, means ‘I laugh’”
I looked down,
“Take it off, I do not think laughing is what I want right now”
I pulled at the hem and pulled it off quickly and threw it to the floor at his feet.
“Mais lentamente. No Belle, put it back on again, do it again, more slowly.”
I picked up my shirt and obliged him coyly. Leaning over so that my breasts hung still confined in my bra in front of him, I lifted my arms and let it drop down onto me again. I curled my lip at Him sweetly and he lounged in the door-frame watching me. His eyes were dark now. I looked up and said “your turn”
“Oh, no, my sweet, Belle, I will watch you, I will drink every curve of your flesh into my eyes then I will savor it with my tongue and I will fill every part of you with my seed.” HOLY FUCK! MY breath came in rasping pants and I wanted to touch Him. I stepped toward Him, he moved away. This was no longer a striptease, this was a challenge.
I turned toward the bed and looked back over my shoulder at Him. I lifted my shirt very slowly past my hip over my chest above my breast and then bent down, swaying my ass toward Him. Freeing my head I flipped my long hair back over my shoulder, folding my tee shirt and placing it at His feet with the letters R I S D facing upward. I looked up at Him smiling under my lashes at my own joke. “Good girl, Belle. You are making me happy my dear.” I smiled at Him staring directly into His eyes as my fingers fumbled with the button on my jeans. I unbuttoned the top button of the fly, then sat on the low bed. I looked to the side to see Him watching me, his hand in his pocket of his jeans. I smiled at Him again, playing with Him. “Good girl, belle, go on please.”
I leaned low, so my breasts nearly freed themselves from the top of my demi-bra, and held my foot out to unlace my boot. I slowly undid each lace from the grommet and laid back on the bed lifting my foot over my head and pulled it off. I rolled toward Him, laying on the bed I reached up with my hand and struggled to get the other boot off over my head. Letting the laces fall toward my mouth I made suckling faces as if I was trying to grasp the lace in my mouth. “Take the shoe off belle. Now.” Victory, Belle.
I looked back at Him and pouted. “But, you said slowly.”
“You are on my bed and I want to fuck you before sunrise.” He never used such crass words, I had succeeded. I rolled onto my back and peeked up at Him, he was staring at me, his hand was petting his crotch through his jeans as if there were a kitten in them. I watched Him touching himself and smiled. He saw where I was looking and tapped his fly with his fingertips. “Belle, continue please, we are both very happy to see you.”
I smiled up at Him through my lashes and rolled back on the bed so that my foot was over my shoulder, my legs spread and buttocks facing him, I pulled the boot off and tossed it on the floor. Then I reached both socks and pulled them off at the same time pulling them until they peeled off my feet leaving my feet bare. I rolled back up to a sititng position with my lets over the edge of the bed and grinned at Him brightly wiggling my red painted toes. His fly was open now and he was touching himself over His shorts. I stood up and stepped toward Him, my bare feet slapping against the wooden floor. Looking directly into his eyes, I slid my fingers into my already opened jeans and pushed them slowly past my hips swaying back and forth in front of Him so that my breasts swayed before His eyes. He looked down at me and nodded, breathlessly he rasped, “Go on, Belle” I smiled and let my jeans fall from my hips.
In just my pink lace bra and knickers I stood in front of him reaching out I covered His hand with mine over His already stiff cock. He reached for me suddenly and pulled me closer to him. He curled a fist around my long, thick, tousled mane and pulled my head to the side. He closed his lips on my neck and I started to whimper. He licked and suckled and bit at my neck and shoulders and the tops of my breasts as if he were starved. Groaning he pressed his hips toward me, feeling the rough wool of his cardigan and the cold hard buttons on my skin made me whimper and feel overly sensitized. I reached my hands into his sweater, needing to feel him now, I wanted to touch his flesh, I pulled at his buttons in a frenzy of wanton lust. He let me undress him. I pressed my hands against his warm flesh. His hand still fisted in my hair I couldn’t kiss Him or drop to my knees and service Him. He could sense what I wanted and whispered, “Belle, meu deus, wait, you will unman me, please, I don’t want to…. Not yet.” This made me struggle against Him more, I wanted to make Him throb, I wanted to make him cum. I wanted to have some power over Him. He held me by my hair and pulled me away from him, He was hurting me but I was hungry for him, I needed to feel him, I needed more.
He put me aside, “Now Belle, lay on the bed, you will make me ruin my shorts. Stop!” He was serious now, not the playful man that started. He wanted to be in control, he needed to exert this over me. I stopped struggling and went to the bed, I was feeling somewhat shy and put aside. I needed him, didn’t he see that? He undressed dropping his jeans and shorts to the floor and stepping out of his shoes. I watched Him, he stepped to the end of the bed, his hard cock curled against His taught belly. I was laying in the fresh white sheets in just my bra and panties. I felt, hot, wet anxious and needy. He looked at me, as if he had never seen me before assaying me with a somewhat cold detachment. I felt like a butterfly pinned to a board. I closed my legs so he wouldn’t see the wet patch between my thighs and tried to cover myself with my hands. His stare was unnerving; I closed my eyes to be away from it and started to roll onto my belly. “No Belle, please I want to see you, don’t move please, I just want to see everything about you now. You are so much more beautiful than when I saw you last. Your hair is longer, you are thinner, you are stronger, your toes are decorated, you are even more lovely, you are all mine now.” He crawled onto the bed and sat kneeling at my feet.
I blushed hotly, feeling myself pinking from my hair to my breasts. I was in a frenzy of lust before, but now, I felt my pulse slow, I was still pinned by his gaze, I was mounted for His pleasure, and that gave me confidence to lay there exposed. He picked up my foot and kissed the top, then he touched each toe and kissed them one at a time, cooing. “bonita pé.” I was still in my panties and I could feel them wet against my cleft. When he was finished with one foot he moved my foot to his lap and pressed my sole to his cock. He repeated with the other foot as I curled my toes and tried to stroke His cock with my foot. When he was finished with my feet, he knelt across my calves, straddling my legs with my panties still intact. I tried to wriggle free by pushing them down but he just looked up at me smiling ruthlessly. “Ever the impatient girl, my Belle, I want your knickers on to make me go slow, if I see your orchid I will fuck you, I told you already, I want to savor you, will you make me tie you down?”
The threat of his words made a flush cross my flesh followed by a shiver. I was not used to this language from him or threats. I became afraid of upsetting him. I didn’t want Him angry with me on this first night. I turned my head away and let Him do what He wanted to me. He knew what He wanted, even if I didn’t. He had planned this, I was not going to ruin His plans. He looked down at me, his glasses still on but his glare conveyed control and lust. He saw me lose my spirit. He leaned forward crouching over me, pleading, “My querida Belle, look at me, look at my, caralho, You can see I want you, you make me want too much, you make me hurt with need, please Belle, please, let me love you the way you deserve to be loved, don’t be a silly American, don’t rush. This is my gift for you, please let me give it to you.
His words, made me ache, I wrapped my legs and arms up and around him, my fingers curled into His back and I felt the tears sting my eyes. His words left me pliant and submissive but he kissed me now. I was afraid he would feel my tears wet on his face but I moved with him. He covered me with his body and held me tightly, holding me to him he reached around my back and unhooked my bra. He sat up across my hips and looked down at me. He pulled the pink lace contraption from my body and held it in his fingertips. He looked at it and put it to his face, and inhaled. His eyes rolled back as if he had taken a dose of morphine and then dropped it to the bed. “Jesus Dios, you are beautiful.” He leaned forward and took my pink puffy nipple into his lips and suckled hungrily. Slurping noisily on my breasts he held them overflowing in his hands and ground his hips into my panties while he feasted on my flesh. Biting and nipping and sucking, he made me writhe in lust. He wanted me, and I was beautiful.”
I placed my hands on his head and stroked the soft short hair on the top of his head whimpering. I moaned softly “Miguel, I love you, please, please ooh god please, Miguel, I need you please.”
He rolled off of me looking down at me. Then he leaned into my ear “Belle, did sort out medicina?” I looked up at him not knowing what he meant “Belle, I don’t want a child, please, the medicine” I understood, and assured him frantically, “it is okay Miguel, I am safe, please, please, please, I need you. Put yourself inside of me.”
He sat high on His knees and lifted my bottom onto His folded legs, spreading my legs around his hips. He reached for a pillow behind me and placed it under my rear and shifted even closer to me rolling my hips higher onto his thighs. I had no idea what He was doing. My hips were tipped up now and his cock was below the level of my bottom now. Then he whispered something in Portuguese and said “relax darling, relax and let me drink you.” He grabbed my knees and lifted them over his shoulders and I started to shudder. I was still wearing my panties and I was on fire, I needed him to take me. I wanted them off so badly. Leaning in slowly he pressed his lips to the silky fabric of my knickers and I started to whimper. He ran his tongue up and down my already swollen glans through my panties which felt amazing, almost painful. I bucked up higher on his shoulders, begging for all I was worth” Oh god please! Please! Miguel I’m going to lose it! I can’t help it I’m going to cum, you have to let me, please ooh fuck, ooh God, please……Miguel!” I started to cry, I was already a bundle of emotions, but now I was out of control. I started shaking and sobbing, as soon as my insides started clenching with my orgasm, he lifted his mouth from my soaked panties. Letting me relax, the pain was intense, I couldn’t do this much longer, I was in agony. I tried to push him off of me with my legs but he was too strong.
Purring soft words at me in a mixture of English and Portuguese, “meu deus, its okay Belle, you can do this you can wait, you will be ok, doce menina, just hold on a bit longer you can do it for me, you will be brave for me.” I was thrashing flailing my arms my legs were bucking then he pulled on my panties and tore them off of me by the leg. My body was too sensitive, I was a mess then he stroked my thighs purring very softly in English as if he were gentling a wild beast “it's okay now, Belle you will show me your honey now, I will taste you then I will fuck you” He dropped his lips to mine, curled his elbows around my thighs pulling my sex toward his lips and thrust his tongue inside of me, Flicking at my clit with his tongue so that I felt like he was fucking me with a thousand small cocks. “let go now Belle, cum para mim.” I unraveled in vortex of spiraling white heat. My entire body clenched and I felt like I was peeing the release was so immense. I was spurting in wet jets of sex and he was slurping loudly on my over eager cunt. I couldn't stop, I bucked frantically against him, he just pressed his lips firmly to my glans and held me in his lips while I spun in waves of heat and shuddering aching painful pleasure. When I was spent, totally exhausted and sobbing he let go of me, easing my bottom, back onto the bed covering me with his body. Holding me tightly in his arms, gentling me, and encouraging me softly “that’s a good girl, you make me so happy darling girl, you are so sweet, you taste like honey, you are so lovely, my girl, my sweet beautiful, Belle.” I wept, holding him in my arms, my eyes wet I kissed him hungrily and tasted my nectar on his lips and sucked his lips drinking myself in through his lips.
He lifted his hips gently and entered me slowly, delicately, watching me. I was sore and sensitive but his prick in me felt like a balm. He moved slowly, rocking me so gently. He watched my eyes and I watched his. I could feel him holding back, I knew how ready he was, how long he had been holding on to his own need. I wanted to give him as much of me as I could. I infused myself with his body and felt every motion he made as a part of me. We in this moment were one. Love radiated from my heart so brightly that I thought we would both burn, I had never felt so alive in my life. This was the first time his skin was next to mine and I could feel him clench his muscles and still himself to hold on. I whispered into His ear “please Miguel, take what you want of me, don’t hold back use me, take me make me yours, I love you”
He stilled for my words, and slowly, he translated them. Looking at me as if to read through me, he saw my sincerity, felt it in my body and knew I was entirely his. He arched back and started to ram me, forcefully, thrusting himself into me. One punishing stroke, then another and another, I was lost, I was going to cum again, and I didn’t want to. My eyes were on His, he saw me starting to slip away from consciousness and lose control, then he shouted in Portuguese and was gushing into me. I felt him filling me and I clenched around him, then he throbbed deeper into me, I wasn’t sure where I began or ended and what was him. We were entirely one in that moment gasping and clutching to each other twisting in our love and need. Wetness oozed from us and we pulsed together gasping and holding on to each other in desperate lust.
We lay holding each other, gasping for breath, stilling to calm our own hearts and find ourselves again. As we came back to reality, he found my shredded panties were hanging from my thigh between us. He held me. “Ai, ai, ai, Bella mina, Belle, I am sorry, did I hurt you? I will take you shopping, we will get new knickers for you.” He felt ashamed which made me surprised. I tried to explain to Him I wasn’t upset about anything at all, nothing mattered, we were together. He pulled me close to Him, breathing into my hair, saying words in Portuguese I didn’t know but I thought I understood. “mim amo você, mim queira você, eu preciso de você.”