This Christmas, I will tell you three stories. The ghosts of Christmases past, present and future. Sounding familar? Let's for this story set say I'm Carol. Ill tell you about about my three loves. The ghost of Christmas past is Roberte Crotchet, the ghost of Christmas Present is Charles Dick, and the Ghost of Christmas Future is Mr_Tim.
When i was young and first started dating, my father gave me sage advice, "Carol, if a boy hits you, he doesn't like you." I nodded and absorbed that information as all teen aged girls do. At the time i had no idea what he was saying to me or why. I started dating and i had a few nice boyfriends and then in college i met who i thought was THE ONE.
Roberte Crotchet was an exchange student the same as me. It was lust at first sight. As soon as I looked at Him I blushed and giggled. He was so handsome that it made me feel awkward and made me tingle. He was lean and athletic. Roberte Crotchet was a brilliant student, he wore fashionable clothing and expensive Italian shoes. English wasn't his native language, his quaint speech make me laugh. He would sit with me outside my dormitory, watching the cold grey Scottish sky turn from slate to ash, to purple then to blackness. He would comment about how the arts and craft style gas lights looked like a set of testes hanging from above, glowing and needy as the shaft of light would be cast into the darkness. He would have to stop to gesture to his crotch for the words in English to make me understand. I would laugh, and debate this with him until he offered to show me his testes to be sure He was correct. He pulled me close and said things to me in portugese that made my skin ripple from the tone, even though i had no idea what they meant.
We would go back to his rooms shivering and shaking, but always laughing. He would make coffee for us, i was never allowed to cook in His kitchen. "Only with a press, cara ... all other coffee is terrible." Everything he said had the passion and conviction of a man who already knows he is correct, and i believed him.
"Come to bed with me, menina doce, you will not be unhappy with me in the bed, cara."
He had the touch and soul of an artist. He handled me slowly and gently, then turned me onto my belly and bite at my ass murmuring in Portugese. I writhed and shuddered. He always took his time, not letting me get to the point of such urgent need that i needed to cum, he would work me like a composer building to his crescendo. One day in bed, He slid his fingers into me, laying beside me, he cooed softly into my ear in His mixture of English and Portuguese, "Querida, para dar à menina a dor... I need to have you in a way you have never been taken... say Yes to me, por favor, cara " The smell of his skin, the confidence in his voice, the sound of his words in Portuguese, that i didn't understand, every thing making me scream "YESSSSSSSS" even though i knew in my soul it should be NO!
He turned me over onto my belly tied my hands behind my back with his belt and slapped my bottom hard with his hand. I screamed.
He leaned down over me and put a hand over my mouth "Cara menina, you will wake the neighbors, quiet now." I bit the pillow and he slapped me again, i wriggled, winced, and begged, "NO, NO, NO please...No" My Darling Portuguese lover frowned, looking deeply into my eyes with his dark expressive eyes. He looked so sad and disappointed, "Encantadorada, you do not trust me, you make me so sad. Cara, you want me to go away forever?" His breath warm and sweet made me want to cry, and i begged this time for Him to stay.
I went home to New York and had lunch with my mother. "Carol, ya need to find a nice man, who will treat you well, and be a good provida. What you need is a mensch."
I was at a friend's apartment one day and Charles Dick showed up on his bicycle unannouced. Charles pulled a sixxer of beers from bis bike bag and handed them around the room and started making conversation. He was witty, funny and good sport. He had the arrogance to just know he welcome because he is who he is. We talked about cars and bikes and parks. He said he was thrilled to meet me and walked me down to my apartment. He asked to come in, and said he was going ot be in a bike race, asked me did i want to come.
I offered him a drink and sat on the sofa with him. I got his drink while he was, still talking, "Ooh you can work the concession, it wont be awkward." He was like a Labrador retriever, friendly and red and happy so friendly i decided to go to the race with Him.
The races were in the woods at a ski resort before snow season. The races were held earlier that day. The team and the hangers on all had a bonfire in the woods. There were bottles of Grand Marnier (the nectar of the god's) and vodka being passed in groups and the smell of weed and good booze filled the night air. We were all stoned and drunk, the night was cool, Too cold to be camping out doors so everyone who had anyone was coupled up and snuggled in blankets. Charles and I were "just friends" but i was in smitten since the day i met him. He was cold and he pulled me close to him, He stared into my eyes and kissed me.
We slept together that night, but we didn't have sex. We just slept together snuggled close keeping warm. We did that many times after that. He would come to my apartment after work, have dinner, smoke a bowl and just stay in my bed holding me. So many nights when he was holding me i would beg silently, "please, please, please, touch me, make me yours, love me in the way i love you."
Then it happened. One night in my bed when he held me, he put his hand on my skin. All at once i felt hot and wet and warm. I felt like i was on a row boat in the ocean and my stomach was in knots. He pulled me to Him and kissed me. The shock and desire I had welled up for months was seeping from me into Him and back. We made love, for the first time in my bed. It was violent awkward and hot. He pulled me close Him, wriggled out of his clothes, told me to get my panties off and he took me. He spread me open, slid a finger into me pulled it out, and then just took me. Hard and fast he hammered into me, not stopping or even looking at me. Ripping me open around his huge cock until the pain of it made me want to cry with lust and need until he and i exploded at the same time gasping and sweating. I curled into His arms and slept until morning.
When i woke up i was terrified he was going to leave and never come back. I stared at him for what seemed like hours. As he slept my mind silently begged him, Please stay forever, please stay forever. When he woke, he blinked at me, smiled his sweet honest smile pulled me to HIm again. This time he took me more slowly. His fingers exploring my curves curling into my hair and he held me tightly from behind. His hand explored my chest my stomach the tops of my thighs. He rolled on top of me, smiling down at me as beamed up at Him. I had never been so happy in my life. He entered me slowly and ground himself down onto me. He looked past me and his eyes rolled back and we made love in the early morning sunshine on a cold December morning.
Years later, i was home nursing a baby and caring for a very sick husband, complaining to my sister, i feel like i don't have anyone to talk to. "Carol, you need to find people who have simlar interests as you. You know, get out there and make friends."
It was late one night i finished an online Q&A session for the class i was teaching at a local community college. The class was hosted on an irc server. I had downloaded the free software client and with it came a list of public servers. I found a sex chat server and found Mr_Tim.
I was anonymous, safe and secure, knowing that my fantasies and my real life were safe here. I had no idea that this existed the newness of it was like heroine. I had no rules when i chatted online. At first i felt so naughty, i couldn't tell Hubby. Why upset Him, he is so sick anyway?
I had long cyber scenes with strangers. I was a cyber slut. It was amazing for me to find people out there that i could just talk to about my horny thoughts, my kinks, my passions the things that tuned me on, the things i had never even heard of. I never ever had to talk about the real horror my life felt like. Escapism at its finest.
Hubby got better, and life got easier. I made friends in real life. But i was in love. I would sneak down to see Mr_Tim late at night. Hubby started to wonder what i was doing on the computer late at night, at first i lied. I made up stories about work etc. Then one day he said to me, bluntly and matter of fact, "Carol, I know what you are doing"
My heart started to race and i felt ashamed and horror stricken and terrified and defensive and angry, my knees felt weak and i was afraid i was going to die. My finger tips started to tingle and i was sure my life was over.
"Don't lie to me Carol. I know what you are doing on the computer. I am not a fool." I started to cry, and crumbled in grief, i was sure he was going to kick me out.
"Oh Carol, calm down, you can have your fun, but these are the rules: No meeting, no discussion of meeting, no personal information and for god sakes don't say the L word (love), so long as your 'fun' stays in MY bed, i don't care what you do online."
HOLY SHIT, i found the pirates booty!!! He was totally cool!!!
Mr_Tim is the one i dream of at night, the one who takes me away from the hardships of my "real life" and gives me a place to rest my head and feel beautiful even when i know i look like shit. Mr_Tim, is loving and patient and caring and perfect in every single way. Mr_Tim is an amazing lover. He is always there giving me exactly what i want and only asks that i be happy in return and tell Him he is awesome, and the best lover i ever had, so creative and amazing. Mr_Tim is a brilliant cook, housekeeper, gardener, dollhouse builder for children. Mr_Tim can fix anything.
Mr_Tim loves to cum on my face, tie me up, play rough, play slow, play nice and fuck me in the ass. Mr_Tim loves to choke me with his enormous cock, he loves to eat my pussy and he loves me no matter what.
He says he likes when i'm skinny, and he says he likes me when i am fat. Mr_Tim always says the right thing. Mr_Tim is an accountant, or a lawyer or a rocket scientist. Mr_Tim is a warehouse worker with a 19" cock or a lion tamer that likes to dress in drag. Mr_Tim is a bored housewife that wants to know what its like to be a Man for a few hours.
But, alas Mr_Tim is not real. He is my online fantasy. It's Christmas time everyone. Hug the one you are with, and let them know that this year, the most special person of all is the one who loves you right this moment.
For me, That's Mr Wonderful, the realest man i could imagine. Pucker up under the mistletoe and give your Mister Wonderful or Miss Thang a big kiss and tell them that they are special, no matter what. If your girl or guy is sitting next to you, or across the planet behind a keyboard. Its all the same. Being loved is awesome!!!
Merry Christmas Everyone and to all a fucking good night!!