Rough And Dirty Gems

Rough And Dirty Gems

Friday, August 21, 2009

Does Sex Matter?

Is there a time in a relationship when sex doesn't matter? I was talking to a friend recently and he said, "I have been married so long, I have forgotten why I have sex with my wife, so I don't." I gasped and looked at him oddly. He said to me, "you have been married for 10 years, don't you wonder?"

I was frankly gobsmacked and must have looked it. Sex matters. It matters a lot. I mean yeah in 10 years it has not always been great sex, but how else do you share your love and affection for eachother? How do you tell your partner non verbally that they matter if you don't touch?

I have another friend, he is unhappy with his marraige, he doesnt have sex with his wife anymore, becuase he cant stand her. I ask him, "how can you lay next to her in bed and not just want to fuck her even if you dont like her." He says he would prefer never to have sex again, than give her even a moment of pleasure because she makes his life such a living hell.

I have another friend, who says she isnt interested in sex, but she does it because she thinks her husband will leave if she doesnt. I agree with her. But how must that sex be? Why would he bother if she just does it so he will stick around.


  1. Wow - you open a can of worms with this post which I look forward to commenting on a bit when I find a few more moments than I have at present. You're right, there are times in a long term relationship when things are not going to be great. I too know lot's of men who have gone through periods of hatred for their partners and vice versa and often sex has dropped away completely during that time. I also know of quite a few relationships where sex seems to have just dropped off the map - there just was no interest either on on side or both. Sex has always been an important part of my own partnership even though it hasn't always been good but when it hasn't been it's been a useful touchstone for things going wrong in our relationship overall and we've been able to use those sexual difficulties through couselling and talking to reconnect and move things forward considerably.

  2. So you believe sex matters, but I don't think you even scratched the surface to why it does :)

    Is it because it's so freakin delicious!? Or is it because it can be about pure lust sometimes that one just feel they are in touch with the animal inside? Or is it just a way of communicating love and affection without saying a word?

    Would I like you to answer my questions? Hmmm...I'd rather stroke while reading some of your stories, but hey, don't let that stop you from answering :)


  3. yes sex does matter but it can't be one sided. If it seems like one or the other can't seem to get enjoyment out of it then there are other things wrong with the relationship.. Yes I have sex with my wife, hey I need to get off sometimes too but it is not how I want it. As long as she gets off she doesn't care if I do unless she wants to feel me in her. At that point it is just a fuck

  4. I am not that shocked about people not wanting to explore that part of their lives with each other but I do think it is extremely sad. My husband and I have been married for 28 years (in December) and we both deeply desire each other more now than ever, including when we first got together. We would fuck several times a day if we could, but of course work and other responsibilities come into play and therefore curtail the constant screwing. LOL. But our secret, which to me is just common sense, is to not take the other person for granted, do not let ANYTHING come between you (work, kids, in-laws, bills, ect...)everything comes and goes, but you will still be faced with that partner so it the TOP PRIORITY. We keep throwing a little spice into the mix from time to time, trying something new or a new place. We openly communicate to each other. We are honest with each other. I cannot imagine my life without sex, and I cannot imagine sharing my bed or life with someone that I did not love, care for and want to fuck all the time. Just my opinion for whatever it is worth.


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